The Legend of Old Naruto
by NatsuHotaru
Summary: A pure crack fic about a scaly man-fish named Naruto and the person to unfortunately fall into his clutches Sasuke. Read if you want to laugh SasuNaru rated T i think. This is what happens when i watch 'The Mighty Boosh' too much.


**Hello peoples. I'm sorry to say that this is a small thing i wrote up as an apology story for all the people who are waiting for me to update Fox Fire. Hopefully it's gotten rid of my writer's block and i have officially finished my assignments of late. This is pure crack with a bit of romance thrown in. I hope you get a laugh~**

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**The Legend of Old Naruto**

Once upon a summer's dream, a young boy at the ripe age of fourteen named Naruto was exploring the nearby lake of his homeland. His blonde hair flapped like a seal in the wind as his virgin blue eyes scanned the lake-scape. He saw something glinting next to the water's edge and his beady eyes of a shrew couldn't help but glint with pleasure. He raced through the forest and stopped in front of the gleaming wonder. It looked to be a shard of green glass. Naruto bent down and examined it further only to find that it was in fact a shard of a bottle of Baileys. Naruto's hobby was in fact collecting shards of Bailey's glass, so without further ado he scooped his prize up and gingerly placed it within the dark wonders of his pocket. Suddenly a scaly man hand reached from the dark waters and taking a hold of Naruto, dragged him under.

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**[4 years later]**

"I'm sick of this." Sasuke growled as he rolled down the car window. His duck ass styled hair fluttered in the sudden wind and his emotionless black eyes wandered the horizon, even though eyes cannot show emotion anyway. His mother Mikoto who was surprisingly brought back to life after Itachi had killed her, turned around and scolded him.

"Sasuke!" she reprimanded "The least you can do is appreciate this holiday your father organized." She said indicating Sasuke's equally should-be-dead father, Fuugaku. Sasuke scowled and sunk lower in his seat.

"Whatever." He grumbled and looked over to his brother Itachi, who was reading a magazine. Sasuke should have been trying to Chidori him to death but instead he just regarded him with annoyance. Mikoto suddenly gasped with excitement and peered out the window.

"Oh look boys." She exclaimed "What a wonderful little town!" Sasuke rolled his eyes and glanced out the window to see an old Scottish styled town. Mikoto directed Fuugaku to stop at a quaint little bar for dinner and directions. Once they had parked, they opened the bar doors only for all music and merry making to pause. The bar stared in wonder at the foreigners and a man dropped a pint of beer in surprise. Mikoto dragged Sasuke and Itachi, who was still reading his magazine, into the bar and Fuugaku walked to the counter for directions. The people in the room slowly started up the music and chatter again.

"Hello." The man at the counter greeted with a nod of his head. Fuugaku nodded his head in return and with a glance at his wife directed his conversation to the man.

"We'd like to know how to get to the Sleepy Dead Inn." Fuugaku stated and the man took out a pipe from nowhere. After lighting it with a lighter and puffing on it a few times he began to tell Fuugaku the directions. After they had finished, Fuugaku memorising the entire way as he was an all powerful Uchiha, Mikoto suggested they grab a bite to eat. "Ah, what can we get to eat here?" Fuugaku questioned. The bar tender took the pipe from his mouth and leant on the bar.

"You'll have what Jeff eats." He stated. Sasuke cocked an eyebrow and looked at his mother in disbelief. She shrugged.

"So what does this Jeff person eat?" She questioned.

"Jeff is the owner of this here bar. He eats nothing but the finest Indian curry with a side of naan bread." He said and Itachi stepped forward.

"Garlic naan bread?" he asked and the bar man nodded.

"Aye lad, garlic naan bread." He said and placed the pipe back into his mouth. He puffed on it a few times and Itachi nodded his agreement. Mikoto looked wearily at the barman.

"Could I order a drink?" she asked.

"Aye lassie, you can." The barman said with a nod. Mikoto glanced sideways.

"Could I have a flirtini please?" she asked. Suddenly the barman pulled the pipe from his mouth and slammed his fist onto the table.

"There be no flirtinis in this bar!" he shouted "You'll drink what Jeff drinks!" he said with a nod. Mikoto gasped and clutched at her heart.

"What does Jeff drink?" she asked.

"Jeff drinks a well rounded pint of beer for breakfast lunch and dinner lassie and you'd be well to do the same." He said. Mikoto shook her head.

"No thank you. I think I'd just like a glass of water." She said and was startled when the barman once again slammed his fist on the bar.

"I said you'll drink what Jeff drinks!" he shouted and caused everyone to look their way. Itachi shook his head.

"We'll have four servings of Indian curry with a side of garlic naan bread and four beers." He stated and twirled his cape. The barman nodded with a smile and glared at the rest of the family. They backed away until they were all seated at a table near the back of the room. Sasuke looked at his mother.

"You can't be serious?" he asked, indicating the many drunken fishermen in the bar, particularly the barman. She shook her head.

"Oh Sasuke just give them a chance." She said with a strained smile. With a thump their orders were slammed down in front of them and the man wearing a naan bread suit slivered away. Sasuke took one look at his Indian curry and shuddered. He glanced to his left and happened to catch an old ink spotted flyer. In the centre was a colour picture of a young blonde haired boy with amazingly bright blue eyes and tanned skin. Sasuke thought he was kind of cute.

_**MISSING**_

_Name: Naruto Uzumaki_

_Last Seen: May 5__th__ 2005 by Black Lake_

_If seen please contact Mr and Mrs Uzumaki on 8790684757. _

Sasuke read. 'Hmm the boys been missing for four years' he thought. 'I bet his parents have stopped looking.' He shrugged and turned back to the conversation at hand.

"What's there to do in this town?" he interrupted his mother. She sneered -no wait she's the perfect mother- she smiled over at Sasuke.

"I'm sure there's plenty of things you and Itachi could do together while your father and I go do business downtown." She said. Sasuke growled.

"I knew it!" he shouted "This isn't a 'family vacation' it's just an excuse for you and father to do more business." He stated and Mikoto sighed.

"Listen Sasuke tha-" Suddenly the man at the table beside theirs turned around and pulled out a pipe.

"I couldn't help but to overhear your conversation." He started and Mikoto gazed at him in surprise.

"Well I never." She started "This is a private discussion between me and my family." She began, preparing for a long lecture. The man sneered at her.

"Not that you twit. I meant that ya boys were gonna be bored." He retorted and turned solely to Itachi and Sasuke. "I can lend ya a boat this afternoon and ya can go out on Black lack, oh aye just when it's getting dark." He began mysteriously and a dark ominous cloud started to appear behind him. "Full moon tonight. That'll get the fish biting. Yep nothing better than sitting out on the cold dark lake, full moon shining above ya, perfect for fishing." He said nostalgically. Itachi lowered his magazine in interest and Sasuke was just about to call the man crazy when his mother cut in.

"That settles it then, Sasuke you and Itachi can take this nice gentleman's boat out on the lake tonight and your father and I will settle this business deal." She confirmed, grabbing a hold of Fuugaku's arm. He dropped his naan bread in surprise and got up to follow his wife. Without a moment's hesitation they both up and left; leaving a gaping Sasuke and an indifferent Itachi behind.

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"I can't believe we have to do this." Sasuke grumbled and crossed his arms in a huff. Itachi glared at him.

"Sasuke stop being a twit, for the love of god just go along with it instead of being a jerk. Sheesh." Itachi said and stormed ahead, his cape flapping in the wind. Sasuke gaped behind him before shaking his head and hurrying after him. They both got into the moored boat and Itachi grabbed the oars while Sasuke packed the fishing gear. After rowing for a good thirty minutes they were positioned in the middle of the lake. With a sigh Sasuke baited his hook and swung it overboard while Itachi did the same, continuing to read his magazine.

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Sasuke was continually growling while Itachi was sitting indifferently with his legs crossed and reading his magazine. Sasuke hadn't caught any fish at all while Itachi had a small pile flapping around like seals beside him.

"God Dammit Itachi how do you have so many?" Sasuke demanded. Itachi looked up and shrugged. "What are you using for bait?" he asked. Itachi placed his magazine aside and reached into a pocket.

"Well first of, all I was using were these signed photographs." He said while holding up a black and white print of himself, signed in the corner. "But then I stopped and they just kept jumping at me." He said. Sasuke gaped at him and Itachi shrugged. "Come here you." He said while looking at the water. Suddenly a fish leapt out and landed in the flapping pile. "And you, you, you and you." He continued and four more fish leapt out. "Hey I can see you too." He said and one last fish leapt out. He smirked and glanced up at Sasuke. "So where are your fish?" he asked smugly. Sasuke glared.

"I'm not in the mood to fish. I don't really care that I haven't caught any." He said while glancing to the side. Itachi smirked again and sat back with his magazine.

"I think I'm going to go back into town now and show them my catch." He said slyly. Sasuke growled.

"Well you can take the inflatable raft because I'm not moving until I catch something." He growled out. Itachi smirked triumphantly.

"I thought you said that you didn't care if you didn't catch any fish." He asked innocently. Sasuke glared and threw the life raft at Itachi's smug face.

"Just go." He growled and Itachi shrugged. He pulled the lever and climbed in with his catch. When he was out of sight Sasuke allowed himself to relax and cast his line again. He happened to glance at his watch and saw that it was five minutes to midnight. 'How did the time pass so quickly?' he questioned himself. He reeled in his line a bit and started when he felt something pull back. He let a smirk settle across his face and reeled the line in quickly. Suddenly a mist started up and clouded Sasuke vision. The boat gave a large shudder and he dropped his rod in surprise. He gripped the sides of the boat and watched as the mist began to clear. He thought he could see a hulking shape across from where he was sitting and so focussed his attention there. Finally the fog cleared enough for Sasuke to make out the figures features and he sat back with a gasp. Giant blue eyes gleamed at him from a green face. Whiskers and a moustache were painted on in black as well as under the creature's eyes. Its hair was bundles upon bundles of slimy seaweed and it was wearing a pink tutu, a sparkly gold jacket with a black tie and white cowboy boots. Its red painted lips titled up in a smile and it grinned at Sasuke.

"What'cha doing in my waters boy?" it asked in a deep voice, making it a male. Sasuke cringed away in fear.

"I'm not fishing; I'm just enjoying the scenery." Sasuke said quickly, raising his hands in a calming gesture. The seaweed man sneered at him.

"What's this then?" he asked holding up the hook caught in his seaweed. Sasuke gulped.

"That's not mine." He said quickly. The seaweed man growled.

"It's attached to ya rod mothalicker!" he said angrily. "What do you think of me?" he asked suddenly.

"I don't rightly know...sir." Sasuke said worriedly.

"Make an assessment." The man demanded creepily. Sasuke glanced around uncertainly.

"I think...you're a modern day...gentleman?" he questioned. The man snarled.

"You're lying to me boy! I know what you're thinking! I'm a scaly man-fish with a downstairs mix-up!" he growled. Sasuke shook his head then studied him.

"Downstairs mix-up?" he questioned and the man stood up.

"Yes boy! A light shoots from it, makes ya feel all tingly." He said and lifted his tutu to show Sasuke. Sasuke's eyes rolled into the back of his head as a bright light and a fierce wind came out from under the tutu. Within twelve seconds darkness swept over him and he fell to the floor of the boat, unconscious.

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**[Back with Itachi]**

Itachi flung open the doors of the quaint little bar and held up his catch with a smile. The room cheered and a man motioned for Itachi to sit with him.

"Flirtinis all round!" the barman shouted and everybody cheered. Itachi sat in front of the man who had a grey beard and a wooden pipe in his mouth.

"The names Sarutobi." The old man said and Itachi nodded in agreement.

"Itachi." He said. Sarutobi nodded and held a pipe up to Itachi.

"Pipe?" he asked and Itachi grabbed it with a nod.

"Don't mind if I do." He said and lit it up before puffing on it a few times. Sarutobi lifted up a beard.

"Beard?" he questioned but Itachi declined it with a shake of his head.

"I'll pass." He said. Sarutobi nodded.

"So boy, tell us of how you got this great catch." He suggested and Itachi nodded.

"Well I was out on-" he started but Sarutobi stopped him.

"Nah boy, that's not how you do it. The life of a fisherman is about the story, the great tale, most of us here have never caught a fish before but we tell a mean story." He said and the room agreed with hearty calls and raised glasses. Itachi nodded and thought deeply.

"It was a dark and stormy night..." he began. Sarutobi nodded heartily and leant forward, followed quickly by the rest of the room. "The full moon was shining in the sky. I was out on Black Lake-" he continued but the room erupted in a wild call of scared yells and glass breaking. Sarutobi sat back with a gaping mouth and the barman made a mess in his pants. Itachi cocked an eyebrow questioningly.

"Not Black Lake!" scared wails sounded again "We don't talk about Black Lake here. There's a legend about Black Lake!" Sarutobi yelled. Itachi leant forward onto the table.

"What's the legend?" he asked curiously. Sarutobi calmed the room down and gestured for them to get closer.

"Gather round, gather round." He began. He pulled out a new pipe and puffed on it a few times "There's an old legend about Black Lake, they say on a dark night during the full moon at exactly twelve midnight the legendary man-fish Old Gregg appears." He said quietly. Itachi leaned closer.

"Oh no I left Sasuke out on the Lake and its three past twelve! Wait...who's Old Gregg?" he whispered. Sarutobi leant back quickly.

"We don't speak of him! But we will for your sake young one." He said and Itachi nodded. "Some say he's a fish finger, some say he isn't. Some say he's 75% fish and 25% man, some say it's more of a 60-40 split." He said. Suddenly an old fisherman with gravity defying silver hair stepped forward. Half of his face was covered by a mask, giving him a mysterious air.

"Some say he's as big as a garage others say he's not. Some say he's the drummer of the Kaiser Chiefs some say he isn't. Actually most say he isn't it's just me who thinks he is." He said and Itachi looked at him strangely. "The point is that you never go out on Black Lake at midnight." He said and pointed to the wall. Itachi glanced over and saw the wall full of missing person papers. He nodded.

"Well I'm going to have to go and save Sasuke then. Him being my foolish little brother and all." Itachi said regretfully and got up. Sarutobi nodded.

"Aye boy, do what you must. I'm sure we'll never see you again but your story shall be told many a time in this bar." He said and puffed on his pipe. Itachi nodded and walked over to the payphone by the door. Sighing he put some money in and called a number.

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Sasori looked up from his latest art piece when the phone began to ring. He glanced to the side at his pet Deidara who rolled his eyes in return. He stood up, grabbed the phone and gave it to Sasori.

"What is it?" he asked boredly.

"Hello there Sasori, it's Itachi." Itachi's voice said. Sasori rolled his eyes.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Sasuke probably got captured by a scaly man-fish and I need some help saving him."

"Ah, Old Gregg?" Sasori asked.

"How did you know?" Itachi asked.

"Makes the plot easier." Sasori said with a shrug and Itachi agreed.

"So I'll see you at Black Lake in an hour with your submarine." Itachi said in a no-nonsense tone and Sasori agreed.

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Within the hour Itachi, Sasori and Deidara were all in a submarine on their way to Old Gregg's hideout. Itachi looked at Sasori, who was cleaning the joints of his latest puppet.

"Are you sure we'll be able to find this hideout?" he questioned. Sasori sighed and gestured towards Deidara without looking up.

"Of course, Deidara is a very good navigator; he'll find it within seconds." He said. Itachi walked over to where Deidara was bent over the sonar.

"He's not navigating; he's playing pac-man." Itachi said incredulously. Sasori sighed and walked over.

"Let me handle this." He said and moved Deidara out of the way. He pressed some buttons and directed the pac-man to eat a different row of dots.

"Get the grapes, un." Deidara said and Itachi growled.

"Guys, we're supposed to be saving Sasuke here, not playing pac-man." He said while looking over Sasori's shoulder. "No wait, go back and get the cherries, watch out for the ghost!" he said quickly.

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**[Over to Sasuke]**

Sasuke groaned as he sat up. He moaned loudly and clutched at his head. He surveyed the room carefully and saw that he was in a large dank cave with water dripping ominously from the ceiling.

"Where am I?" he asked in pain and looked around again. Suddenly the seaweed man popped up from behind a rock.

"Naruto's place." He said and ducked back down. Sasuke stood up and backed away carefully. He ran into something hard and whirled around to find Naruto standing there staring at him. "Hi, want some Bailey's? mmm creamy." He asked and Sasuke shook his head in disbelief. "Ya look a little thirsty my fuzzy little man peach, I'll get ya some Baileys mmm creamy." He said and ducked down out of sight and popped up behind a bar in the corner. He pulled out a glass and poured some Baileys into it. He leapt over the counter and handed Sasuke the glass. Sasuke took it carefully and took a sip after Naruto's stare started to creep him out. Naruto looked at him excitedly and disappeared again. "These are my water colours." A voice said from behind Sasuke and he whirled around to face Naruto once again. Naruto was holding up a bunch of poorly drawn self portraits of himself done in water colours. "I call this one Old Naruto." Naruto said and changed to a different one "This is Old Naruto also." He said and moved on to the next one. "What do ya think I call this one?!" he asked excitedly. Sasuke shook his head.

"Ah, Old Naruto?" he guessed and Naruto smiled creepily.

"Do you want to go to a club where people wee on each other?" he asked. Sasuke blanched.

"I'm sorry what?" he asked. Naruto clasped his hands together and swayed from side to side.

"Have you ever drunk Baileys from a shoe?" Naruto asked. Sasuke backed away again.

"I can't say I have Naruto." He said while looking for an escape. Naruto crept up on him and handed him a barbeque lid from nowhere.

"Do you want this?" he asked. Sasuke gave it back to him.

"Ah no thanks Naruto." He said and continued to back up.

"I'll keep it here for you then." Naruto whispered and placed it beside him on the ground. Sasuke nodded and found that he had backed himself into a wall.

"Do you love me?" Naruto asked suddenly. Sasuke looked at him incredulously.

"No Naruto I don't." He said. Naruto crept up closer.

"You have to love me, what about the boat times mm?" he asked. Sasuke shivered.

"That wasn't a time Naruto, more like an exposure." Sasuke said nervously.

"You've seen me; you have to love me as I love you." Naruto whispered creepily.

"Deal with it Naruto." Sasuke said, starting to get angry. Naruto frowned.

"Oh I'll deal with it; maybe I'll deal with it the way I dealt with Ino Yamanaka." Naruto said threateningly and gestured toward the wall above Sasuke's head. Sasuke glanced up and was shocked to see a blonde haired girl mounted on a fish block. Her lifeless blue eyes stared at him and Sasuke felt a shudder roll up his spine. He glanced over at Naruto in fear.

"Maybe I was a bit hasty there Naruto, now with the water reflecting off your...seaweed I see how beautiful you are. I was just playing games with you; people do that when they're in love." Sasuke said fearfully. Naruto looked at him hopefully.

"Love games?" he asked with stars in his eyes.

"Yes love games." Sasuke said. Naruto grabbed a hold of Sasuke's arm and dragged him over to the bar. He poured him another glass of Baileys.

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"Sasuke I've made you a meal." Naruto called and Sasuke stopped in his search for an exit and turned to face Naruto in his tutu, gold jacket and tie. Naruto's green face lit up and he led Sasuke over to a candle lit table. He sat Sasuke down and walked away to bring the dinner. Sasuke shifted uncomfortably and prayed that help would come for him soon. Soon Naruto returned and placed two plates of fish and two glasses of Baileys onto the table. Sasuke looked at the uncooked full fish in disgust and opted to take a bite of the seaweed instead. He almost threw up and quickly swallowed it.

"This is quite a spread you've put on Naruto." He said and threw the fish over his shoulder when Naruto looked away.

"I got an A+ in home economics." Naruto stated and Sasuke grimaced. He looked around for another escape and Naruto noticed. He sighed deeply.

"Take my scaly hand in marriage and we'll get out of here." He said and Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

"Are you saying that if I marry you we can get out of this place?" he asked. Naruto nodded.

"Yeah..." he said sadly. Sasuke did a double take 'What happened to the boy who wouldn't stop smiling no matter what I said?" he thought.

"Naruto?" he asked. Naruto looked up from his fish and shrugged.

"I'm so lonely down here; it'd be nice for some company." He whispered. Sasuke frowned.

"What happened to make you come down here and be who you are?" he asked. Naruto shuddered.

"I was a normal person kid once. My name was Naruto Uzumaki." He said and Sasuke froze 'That was the same name as that kid from the missing flyer, why does he look so different?' he thought. "When Old Gregg came and got me." Naruto finished. "It's a curse, I lose my personality, my looks and my dress sense." He said in disgust while picking at his golden jacket. "Only when I eat can I have some normality back in my life." He whispered sadly. Sasuke shook his head 'He's so different from before.' He thought.

"Who's Old Gregg?" Sasuke asked. Naruto sighed again and took a bite of the fish. He grimaced and swallowed roughly.

"It all started four years ago…" he began and Sasuke was startled when his vision began to swim. 'Ah must be flashback time.' He thought.

_Naruto gasped as a hand rose from the inky depths of the lake and dragged him under_. _He woke up moments later in a large dank cave._

"_Hello?" he yelled and his voice echoed "Helllo?!!" he yelled louder. Suddenly a scaly man-fish dressed in a pink tutu a golden jacket and white cowboy boots jumped from behind a rock and offered him a glass of Baileys._

"_Here young one, take this." He whispered and Naruto took the Baileys uncertainly while staring at the man's green face. "I'm Old Gregg Naruto and I want you to take over my line as I am getting married and being set free of this dreaded curse." Gregg whispered. Naruto looked at him strangely. "Oh aye, it's true Naruto. I have kidnapped you and left you to have this dreaded curse while I frolic off with my new husband Iruka." The man whispered conspiringly and Naruto stepped back in fear. He bumped into a solid structure and turned around to see what it was. A tall brown haired man with kind brown eyes and a scar stretching across his nose waved at Naruto cheerfully. Old Gregg began to talk again "That be my husband Iruka Naruto." He explained and Naruto forced a strained smile. "Come child don't fear me…it's alright. I'll tell you the rules about being Old Gregg. One, you can change the name as long as the word Old is kept in there. Two, you must not change what you're wearing; should you try the clothes will just change back. Three, your personality will change; the only time you'll be normal is when you eat or find a person to take your hand in marriage. Four, when and only when you are kissed and your hand taken in marriage are you allowed to return to normal and get on with your life. There's a catch though, little one, you must find a replacement. Oh aye I see the fear in your eyes but it's quite simple really. Just choose the next kiddie to run past and grab them, as I have done with you" the man continued. Naruto looked around the cave in hopes of finding a way out. "Five, the only way you can get out is if you're Old Gregg so stop looking boy." the man reprimanded and Naruto jumped. The man looked at his wrist and sighed. "Better get this over with." he said before looking at Naruto's hand, where he still clutched at the glass of Baileys. Gregg adopted a hurt look and clutched at his chest. "Naruto you wound me, you haven't touched your Baileys, mmm creamy, yet." The man said sadly. _

_Naruto sniffed it and found that it smelt delightful so took a small sip. Suddenly a wind swept up and Naruto watched in wonder as the man before him began to change. The seaweed hair fell out to be replaced by gravity defying silver hair. The eerie grey eyes changed to ones of boredom, one adopted a scratch and turned a strange red colour. Gregg's green skin slowly bled back into a normal colour but he kept the six whiskers marks on his cheeks. With a sigh Gregg pulled out two old bandannas and wrapped one around his eye and the other over the lower half of his face. His clothes changed from creepy and weird to smart and conservative wear. Gregg seemed to grin and turned towards Naruto. _

"_Thank you Naruto." He said in a deeper, nicer sounding voice. "If you ever make it out of here look up the name Kakashi Hatake." He said with a smile. Iruka stepped out from the shadows and grabbed a hold of Kakashi's arm. _

"_Come Kakashi we must be off." He said before looking at Naruto with worry "Thank you for accepting this Naruto, this means a lot to me." He finished. Kakashi's eye swept up into an n shape and he faced Naruto again._

"_Farewell Naruto, I have a dolphin to ravish." He said in triumph and before Naruto could do or say anything the two disappeared. Naruto felt weird so he went to find a puddle of water to splash his face with. As he took a step he realised that it felt different to walk and so looked down in wonderment. He gasped when he saw that he was wearing white cowboy boots, a pink tutu, a golden jacket and a black tie. He happened to glance at his legs and was absolutely appalled to find that they were a strange green in colour. He raised his hands to his face in growing fear and cried out when he saw the scaliness of them. He ran to the nearest water puddle and cried out in anguish when he saw the green face staring back at him._

Sasuke vision swam back into place and he realised that the flashback was over. He looked at Naruto sadly and grabbed the scaly hand lying on the table. Naruto gasped and looked up in surprise.

"I'll marry you Naruto." Sasuke said in a fit of extreme-unlike-Sasuke-ness. Naruto grinned up at him.

"Oh Sasuke~!" he yelled and leapt across the table into Sasuke's waiting arms. They hugged for a time and without a moment's hesitation Sasuke kissed the red painted lips before him. Naruto gasped and kissed back hopefully. Even though Naruto tasted heavily of fish Sasuke kept kissing and spun Naruto around in a happy circle. (A/N: okay unlike-Sasuke!Sasuke is starting to freak me out) When their kissing frenzy was over, Naruto dashed from the cave yelling something about finding a replacement. Sasuke sat down on a nearby rock and sighed heavily. Even though he knew nothing about this Naruto boy he felt a strange need to save Naruto from this place and if marrying and kissing him was what must be done then he would do it! Suddenly the entire cave began to shudder and Sasuke watched in amazement as a metal structure rose from the pool of water mere metres from where he was sitting. The fact that he had never seen this pool of water never crossed his mind as he watched as the metal structure took the shape of Sasori's submarine and grinned (yes grinned!) when his brother's head popped up from the hatch. Itachi peered around and spotted Sasuke sitting on the rock. With a superhero pose Itachi leapt from the submarine roof and landed next to Sasuke. He was about to speak when he was interrupted by a green, pink and gold blur. Naruto set a pink haired girl down in front of Sasuke and grinned happily. Itachi stepped back and studied the man fish in front of him. Naruto turned to him and his smile dropped immediately.

"Who're you?" he questioned. Itachi cocked an eyebrow.

"I'm Sasuke's brother Itachi, who are you?" he asked politely. Naruto blushed as much as a cold blooded animal could and glanced away.

"I'm Naruto." He said quietly. His attention was once again brought back to the situation at hand when the girl on the floor stirred. "Ah Sasuke I need your help." He started and zoomed off to get a glass of Baileys. He did a boogety spell on it and handed it to Sasuke. "I want to get out of here as soon as possible so I want you to give the girl the drink so she won't get suspicious and I left a list of instructions in her pocket." He stated quickly. Sasuke nodded and Naruto grabbed Itachi and hid him behind a rock. Not a second later the pink haired girl stirred and the first thing her slightly dazed green eyes saw was a smoking hot Uchiha. She squealed in delight and sat up quickly. Sasuke cringed and didn't say anything, simply handing her the drink and indicating that she should drink it. The girl batted her eyes coyly and attempted to drink the drink seductively but failed miserably. As soon as she had swallowed, a wind surrounded Naruto enchantingly. Sasuke watched on as Naruto's seaweed hair fell out to be replaced by soft golden spikes that framed his face cutely. The green quickly faded and left behind a golden tan that gleamed even in the dim lighting of the cave. The golden strands of his hair brought out Naruto's impossibly blue eyes and made Sasuke go weak at the knees. The black whiskers marks remained on Naruto's soft cheeks and gave him a sexy animalistic air. Naruto's clothes changed from the weird and wacky to a black pair of jeans and a simple orange t-shirt. Before Sasuke knew it he was smiling and Naruto was returning the smile whole heartedly. The poor girl on the floor couldn't handle the sexiness and promptly fainted on the floor. Naruto stepped over her without breaking eye contact with Sasuke and their lips met together in a simple loving kiss. Itachi scratched his head in wonderment at the scene before him 'Just what did I miss?' he wondered.

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Not soon after Sasuke and Naruto got married and had (or didn't have depending on your taste) many cute little babies. To this day Old Sakura still haunts the chilly waters of Black Lake and Itachi's story is told every night over a pint of beer and an Indian curry with a side of garlic naan bread.

**Owari~ **

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**I know it probably finished a bit quickly but i decided to leave it there. Anyway this is what happens when you watch too much of 'The Mighty Boosh' **

**Please review lovelies and i shall hopefully see you soon when i finally update,**

**Love, Hotaru~**

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